So guys, I have some questions for you: Have you ever thought about things and knowledge that you had learned in your whole life? Have you ever realized how much you know about things in your life? And have you ever wished to just throw that knowledge away and be left clueless?
As weird as it is, lately, I have been thinking about a lot of things that I know, about how much I know stuffs and then there was a moment where I wish they were just gone. That moment, I wish my mind would just be blank instantly and I wish I knew nothing. Because, you know what, knowing too much makes you wanting too much, and when you cannot get what you want it would hurt too much and disappoint you too much.
Okay, so I honestly am proud to say that I have a lot of interests (fashion, sports, politics, people, cultures, etc.) and when I like something, I would read about it, learn it, browse it and explore it. News channels are my daily breads and I am a crazy trivia-mania. I love to be a news portal and people can talk or ask about anything to me. I am also glad that I am easily involved in many different kinds of community where I meet different kinds of people. And (one thing worst for me right now) I know two kinds of worlds; my world and the world beyond me that would make me incomplete if I didn’t make my mark there (If only I know nothing but my world, I would be so stressful about my life achieving). It is my life choice. I want to have a wide perspective in life to see the whole world out there, and I have to know and learn and absorb so many things, not knowing that they can drown me alive.
I am drowning in many things inside my mind. At some point, having too much things in your head will hit you hard and make you start questioning yourself. Things that I like become obsession; I want it all. I want to get them, to reach them, to have them. And people that I know become inspirations and motivations; I want to meet them, to work with them, to be them. But I realized I wasn’t even half way to reach all of those. After I succeeded one level, I have to reach for the next, and at the same, while I’m doing it, suddenly I get introduced to a new thing and then, BAM!!, here comes a new thing to obsessed with!
It’s like a never ending chain of obsessions, a race to reach several finishing lines at one time and of course a competition against others. It’s discouraging, you know, to realize no matter how far you go or how many achievements you get it will be never enough. It’s a human nature to never be satisfied, unless you decide to completely step away from your surrounding, to entirely living in your own world and knowing nothing else, then you will be happy.
I know I am not the only person in the world who has this life pressure and is having a life road-block.
So, what should we do? Some advises I got were; do not to overthink as it is one of the top cause of depression, always look down to those who are not as privileged to get great education as you are, and always be grateful that you have (at least) healthy mind. The great one was, turn off your Twitter and Facebook for a while, too much information would actually kill you. They were in fact helpful. I am ALWAYS praising God for giving me so many things in my life.
I know I’m not a superhero, so there are things I have to lose or sacrifice. But think about this; if I didn’t even know about the things I would have to lose, I wouldn’t be as disappointed as if know them, right?
I know I shouldn’t be ungrateful to God, but I have to admit there will always be something deep, deep, and deep down in the bottom of my heart leading to disappointment when I lost something I want.
It’s the humanity selfishness. It’s natural, I think.